This is probably how I am going to die

I will probably die of cancer. To be more exact metastatic cancer, which is when cancer spreads from one part of the body to every other part supplied by blood or lymphatics.

Actually this would be a better way to die than a fatal crash or suicide.

I am afraid that one day I will chose to end my life. I am also afraid of death in another country. The idea of my corpse flying back home is scary. If I happen to die in another country. Please reduce me to powder form and send me back home.

I would prefer death to be slow, but not painful. I should be fully informed about everything including the stage of cancer, so I can make my preparations. It is probably an experience in itself. I will probably soak my neurons with antidepressants, medical opiate and cannabis.

Cannabis will help with the vomiting from chemotherapy and loss of weight. Cannabis makes some people think they are happy, it makes others psychotic, and can make few people continuously vomit and shower over and over again, in hot water. I will not smoke it, however. I will take synthetic cannabinoid called Dronabinol.

We are exposed to lots of pollutants which damage DNA. This in turn might make our cells replicate uncontrollably. Or make pregnant women miscarry or make deformed babies. So, it is not improbable that some of my cells would go crazy and replicate uncontrollably. It happens to thousands of people.

I will probably forget about my receding hair line. Chemotherapy will make me lose all my hair. Even my pubic hair will fall. Something I wished for when it first started to grow. You know, I was very embarrassed as a kid from my hairy legs. Other kids were younger and I was the only one with hairy legs in class. Dark hair on white sticks were unsightly.

Some people think that people are afraid to die because they think they might be punished in a life after death. They are delusional. The term delusional is not precise. Since it means a fixed false belief and their beliefs are not falsifiable. But they are fixed. This fixation is sometimes really strong. Their supposedly voluntary actions becomes controlled by what brings reward and what wards of punishment. These codes of conduct were set hundreds of years ago. Which is sometimes problematic when they face new situations. Ad nauseam.

Only very few female sharks manage to create offsprings without a male partner. A process called parthenogenesis that happens in all living things except mammals. Other sharks, don't consider the offspring produced by this asexual means of reproduction holy. Nor a deity or a demigod. They don't even consider the mother's virginity a topic of conversation. They are called bonnethead sharks and they have a radio scanner in their head. They can sense minute electromagnetic changes around them. I am not kidding.

Contrary to popular belief, sharks do get cancer. It is rare due to their more developed immune system. You see when I told you about cells going crazy and replicate uncontrollably, I didn't explain the whole thing. Those kinds of cellular orgies are quickly removed by the immune system. And like police everywhere the immune system occasionally flunk. This immune system doesn't work properly when you are under stress.

Men are afraid of death because they don't know what their penis will look like after they die. Well, it will look good. Neither erect nor totally shrunken. Except if you died from mixing drugs with Viagra or got shot while streaking in winter.

As for women they have other things to worry about. Since I don't understand them fully, I will not claim to know what scares them of death. An Austrian doctor, you heard of, who stated that he never understood them either, thinks that they envy men, because of a tiny piece of flesh hiding in between two lips in between their legs is not as big as a male reproductive organ. This is not precisely his point.

The Austrian doctor developed oral cancer. He died by assisted suicide. He was cremated in a furnace that reached more than 800°C but his powdered form never made it to his home in Vienna.


mostafa's picture